Dear anonymous letter-writer

Dear anonymous* letter-writer (and presumably you know who you are),

Thank you for your well-considered and thoughtful missive pointing out how wrong Feminism (your capitalisation*) is and how I must have a mental illness* for writing about it.

Thanks to the insightful and intelligent points you made, I have now seen the error of my ways and have completely revised my opinions to agree with everything you wrote, including that, in response to Prime Minister Julia Gillard’s (should I now start calling her Juliar?) misogyny speech that Tony Abbott should have said:

“Go easy on the ‘Testestone* (sic) Shots’ Prime Minister!”

Thank you also for showing me that after nearly two decades of putting my name and frequently my face to my words that it is much more honourable to attack someone personally and not say who you are* - saves all that tricky responsibility eh?

And thank you for keeping my old columns and sending me a photocopy …

Actually no, I can’t keep this up.

All I really want to say is I don’t give a flying monkey’s testicle what you think of my columns or me.

If you don’t like what I write then there’s a simple answer: don’t fucking read it. Or, if you feel the need to get yourself worked up into a right-wing, hate-filled lather about my leftie, greenie, femo viewpoints, send a letter, with your name on it, to the editor. Or comment on the website – the internet loves vitriolic, ignorant anonymous critics who meet argument with personal insult, as do professional journalists like myself, who still hang like a desperate junkie to the belief that putting your name to something means you stand by your words and have a responsibility to them.

I can see now why the column I wrote about the women I admire (notice, a personal opinion, not telling other people what they should do) so offended you: they were all brave. Pussy Riot, Julia Gillard, Malala Yousufzal, Anita Heiss, Penny Wong and Leigh Sales all stood up under fire for what they believe in – and they did it with dignity.

Only cowards hide behind the yellow cloak of anonymity.  

I want you to know this will be the last time I spare a brain cell to think of you – I have much more important things to do, like tend to the wormfarm and wash my dog’s stinky bed.

I’ve removed gunk from under my toenails that has more class than you** – get fucked you fucking fuckwit and never ever mention my daughter again.

*Indicator someone is an unbalanced nutter

**This is, indeed, a personal insult but is in response to a veiled threat to my child, not a reasoned argument, so I am not being completely hypocritical